A new world to me. One of uncertainties and physical aloneness. It requires self-love, honest reflection, and a colorful imagination. It forces a search for contentment and comfort within. It’s full of adventure and never short of intense emotion. It offers endless possibility. It encourages the acknowledgement and embrace of my fullest potential. Shifting from us to me, it creates a sense of independence and strength. It nurtures the build up of a stable foundation. It asks for faith and patience.
A necessity of life - a chance to see what I'm capable of and all that I desire. A time to simply be. Free of compromise and obligation, it's mine to create!
"Across the broad continent of a woman's life falls a shadow of a sword. On one side of that sword, she said, there lies convention and tradition and order, where "all is correct." But on the other side of that sword, if you're crazy enough to cross it and choose a life that does not follow convention, "All is confusing. Nothing follows a regular course." Her argument was that the crossing of the shadow of that sword may bring a far more interesting existence to a woman, but you can bet it will also be more perilous." (Taken from Elizabeth Gilbert's book Eat, Pray, Love)
When my marriage ended last year, I jumped head first into a romantic whirlwind that played out until this past November. It was the perfect distraction, the perfect heart filler, the perfect companion, the perfect teacher, the perfect challenge, the perfect support, the perfect experience for me during those broken and confusing (perilous) months. I wasn't ready to be alone. I had so much love to give and partnership to provide. I wanted to create that same sense of security, comfort, stability, unconditional love, and safety that I had felt in my previous relationship so life didn't skip a beat. I was petrified of casual dating and loose commitments. I wanted something to hang onto and invest in. Anything looked better than being single, even if it meant a delay in my healing and ultimate growth process. I was looking for immediate satisfaction, so I fought and held on as long we could handle.
And with this goodbye came handfuls of LOVE resources. I found it within myself, in family members, while writing, in Chicago, with new friends, in the sun, by the ocean, in spin class, during yoga, at the coffee shop, on Runyon Canyon, on Facebook, through my blog, in children...
I have love pouring in from and going out in all directions! Not knowing any different, I was convinced for the last 12 years of my life that a romantic relationship was the end all be all for love. Oops!
It's a journey - perhaps the most life altering, impactful, beautiful, and rewarding journey I'll ever be on. I now accept what can and can't be in this very moment. I cherish the waiting, imagining all the love and compassion that awaits me in a partnership. I trust that there are wonderful adventures, relationships, and opportunities in store for me.
I embrace being single!