Healing & Recovery

I've been here before. Anxiety in my chest. Motivation null. Happiness sporadic. Dreams and goals unclear. Who am I? What am I up to? What's inside? How do I get out? Where's my spark? Where's that ambition? Why all these tears? 

This is the final phase of my recovery - the last piece to my battle with cancer. My body has healed, the scar is fading, but my soul...that lively spirit...is still in need of mending. Most days I'm in a trance, not sure where I'm headed or what I want. The days, months, and years ahead of me are hard to envision. Once a dreamer, such a big thinker - now anxious, hesitant, fearful, and feeling lack of control. I know I'm not invincible. I know life can be altered at any time. That sweet innocence, stripped from me. 

When do I begin living the life I see...the life I want? When do I return to that LIVING I know so well? When will I be filled with ambition and passion and drive and strength and serenity and gratitude and positivity and light that was ME before this chapter began? 

In time. With patience. Having faith. Leaning on. Building up. 

With my energy back and body healed, my world has begun a shift - a critical turn toward normalcy. Gone are the days of solitude, dependency, and energy depletion. Returning are days with friends, sweaty spin classes, walks in the sand, heart opening yoga sessions, and growing independence. These small pieces are what make me shine, put peace in my heart, and give me courage to push on. 

I never anticipated that my soul...my spirit...would be the hardest to recover. It was my body that took the beating, but my heart and head that felt it all.