I spent 12 years with a man I called my best friend, a man that provided me with a stable foundation, one of respect and trust and stability. I was proud to call him my best friend because that’s what he was - a dependable presence, a support system, a witness to my life, a good and honorable man.
We loved like best friends sharing comfort and happiness so we got married.
I spent 1 year with a man I called my lover, a man that provided me with an emotional connection stronger than I’ve ever known, a man who opened me up to all my beauty and grace, a man who encouraged my newly found love of self. I was proud to call him my lover because that’s what he was - a giving man so loving and attentive, a patient soul, a huge love source, an emotionally charged man full of feeling and life.
We loved like lovers sharing intensity and fire so we dated.
These relationships more different than day and night. One built with a strong, solid base of friendship and dependability. The later built from extreme chemistry and emotional connection. And although I hold sadness and disappointment in my heart for both loves lost, I notice a heavier tug from the partnership quickly built on emotion, chemistry, intensity, and passion. Because through this short connection, a huge piece of me was revived - the lover inside, the emotionally expressive woman.
13 years ago, I had entered that high school friendship turned twenty-something marriage as a woman full of affection and love to share, completely ready and excited to receive in return. But I quickly learned to hold back my impulses and push down my needs, as I adjusted to the emotional comfort level of my partner. Not a beneficial compromise - EVER. With the challenges of long distance and drifting focuses, it’s no surprise that our foundation of over a decade wasn’t sturdy enough. It lacked the glue, the sticky stuff, the emotional bond and intimate connection.
After life’s learnings I know I will forever honor the intense, emotional, giving, needing, compassionate lover inside of me! It makes for incredible moments of aliveness and beautiful bonds that will survive a lifetime.