Through a handful of memorable church-related experiences, I had created a long list of associations that had me completely uninterested in participating in the world of organized religion. The communal chants, musty smells, naked man nailed to a cross, quietness, talks of death, funerals, and tears had me swearing off religion before I even hit my teens. From what I gathered early in life, church and religion was a sad, dark place centered around death.
No thank you. I passed.
For 28 years I stayed far away from thoughts of a higher power and other intangible concepts like heaven and the power of prayer. I thought because I had a good life I didn't need religion. I didn't need to be fixed, or saved, or prayed for. I thought I was just one of the lucky people that would continue on a smooth, comfortable path - always smiling, always at peace, always fulfilled, always loved, always taken care of.
"Most people don't know there are angels whose only job is make sure you don't get too comfortable and fall asleep and miss your life." - Storypeople
At the very moment I was saying, "I'm living my perfect life," one of those angels shook my world in August of 2010. It wasn't until I hit this phase in my life that I began to understand the beauty of having faith in something greater than you. I had days when I alone could not muster up the positivity needed to lift my heart or shift my thoughts. Even though I had the self awareness of what was going on and the training to know what steps I could take to move myself out of the darkness, I remained stuck in a destructive place for months.
What carried me day to day was this sincere feeling of faith - faith in knowing that I was ok, that there would be light, that within the struggle were many beautiful learnings. I just had to have faith that it was happening for a reason and that one day, I'd be sitting back giving thanks for the struggle and everything wonderful brought into my life because of it. Once I was able to really hold on to this faith, I began seeing my life through a different lens. My perspective of life events changed. My heart began to lighten and my smile grew brighter.
What I've gathered thus far is that if it weren't for the uncomfortableness I would not have grown to know me - the true, authentic me. With this knowing, I am able to share myself with those around me on a more intimate level, which in turn has created these beautifully sustainable and life changing relationships in my life. With this faith I get to settle into the waiting, cherishing every moment, all the twists and turns and simply be at peace with what's to come.