Life's Journey

I've shed more tears in 12 months than I've cried in all my 30 years. As I write this, even, I'm wiping salty streams from my face as I work to register the most recent shifts of my day. 

Never have I known my life to be this heart wrenchingly inconsistent, this fearfully unpredictable, this fanatically emotional, this unsettling and uncertain. What started off as a confident and exciting move from city living in the Midwest to ocean views on the West Coast, quickly became a year of stormy weather with huge bumps and unpredictable conditions (and beautiful rainbows that I could only see after the clouds lifted). 

The "stormy weather"...

I moved myself 2,000 miles away from the most important people in my life. 

I put aside my marriage to live out my dreams. 

I encountered many failed attempts at leading my new team at work. 

I divorced the man I spent half my life with. 

I fell in love with a man I wanted, but couldn't fully have.

I spent an exhaustive amount of time chasing things that simply didn't fit. 

I left my employer after 4 years of bliss.  

I spent 9 months unemployed.  

I lingered in temporary employment positions that did not compliment me. 

Men I've loved deeply have moved on. 

The "beautiful rainbows"...

I moved myself 2,000 miles away from the most important people in my life. 

I put aside my marriage to live out my dreams. 

I encountered many failed attempts at leading my new team at work. 

I divorced the man I spent half my life with. 

I fell in love with a man I could never fully have.

I spent an exhaustive amount of time chasing things that simply didn't fit. 

I left my employer after 4 years of bliss. 

I spent 9 months unemployed.  

I lingered in temporary employment positions that did not compliment me. 

Men I've loved deeply have moved on.

What these heart wrenchingly inconsistent, fearfully unpredictable, fanatically emotional, and unsettling moments of uncertainty have provided me are light, guidance, and confirmation of my most fitting path. Because every one of my dark, stormy days have eventually led me to a beautiful rainbow of brightness and clarity, I've learned to embrace my journey no matter how bad the storm seems. 

I'm confident today's storm will soon become a rainbow.